freedominthought

Please go have a look at my photographic attempts.
greenyellow.deviantart.com/

"if im a spinster for the rest of my life my arms will keep me warm through the cold winter nights"

There is vampires masquirading as humans surround my every waking moment. Creatures that leach onto your heart and essence drinking every drop of laughter, love and passion from you. The effects is very similar to a large loss of blood, you see black spots on your vission, your heart aches, bile fills your mouth and nothing feels quite real. Till one day the glamour fades and you see the monster covered in your blood licking its sharp teeth clean of your blood.
I want to stick a stakes in all the vampires in my life,
 I  want to digg around with my stake in their chests till  im covered in blood
I want to cut off their heads to make shore they will never come back 

I'll keep wanting to be tricked, abused and tortured by them once more for that is the vampires biggest weapon their ability to steal pieces of you forever. 

a forest dances around me
but their is no sound of wind
the shadows are green and small
bits of life illuminates in sunny spots

fear grips my heart, my pulse races,
i can hear every breath,
the forest becomes dark
everything starts moving closer

there just in the corner of my eye, silver light dashes
i look
its gone
i try to follow it, dancing through, over and around the swaying trees

my lounges burn, excitement dancing on my skin
i grab tor the knife sheathed on the side of my thigh
there
i dash forward blindly in the touching shadows knife first
my knife hits something
penetrates it
i twist it without a second thought
a cloud of red engulfs us
us
because in my arms lie
a mermaid slain

you've gone off on another adventure
my heart wants to follow, but my mind cannot

your in a place i cannot follow
i get wonderfully vivid dangerous pictures from you
but my heart is split in two
how do i protect you from this world you've made inside your mind

i miss you everyday, i miss talking, the voice in my mind is fading
the old me has returned as protection from the reality of surviving this world
all my adventures are breezes through my mind

your off somewhere skipping over mountains and flying from trees
being consumed by things that scare and intrigue me, they complete you

how do i follow you into your mind
throw down stars in your sub-concious, so that i can come find you if you disappear into this
magic world were reality is the illusion

 days seem to slowly ebb in the soft warmth of the end of summer
the sky seems almost to blue to describe and trees are alight with reds, yellows, greens and browns
so softly winter steels its way into our lives
but how beautiful this last touch of warmth,
these last days of summer

 

i closed the book between us
nowhere left to hide from your eyes
 the ocean stares back at me 
   the emptiness engulfes me
  everything is so horribly bright 
    i keep going on like a robot,
      staring at the machine from far away
        the tides come in huge freak waves cover the world
          the sun, moon and earth is perfectly aligned
             the plant that had purple flowers this morning is curled over limp
                nothing seems to take away the empty feeling that has settled in me
                        glorious is the freedom that sleep brings as to save me from this day
                            
                                         
  

Im graduating on 29th of this month and feeling rather proud of myself. My dad is not coming as he has other plans. Once again confirming how insignificant his daughter's accomplishments are in the spectacular world of doctor dad. 

In the greater scheme of things this is all rather unimportant.

eyes that contain shattered fragments of sky
its sunday afternoon and the end of nothing and everything again
our stint at trying to be friends is melting, imploding around us 
he smells of sweeties, warm hugs, comfort and home
my tears fall softly on his shoulder, his make my heart break
how did we end up here

we met in a time where i had nothing, no family or friends 
just a broken heart and a dream of being whole and happy 

slowly our relationship smothered me and i just couldnt breath
warning signs where flashing and i just closed my eyes

i cheated on us by starting to dream of a future without him where
i was free and then much later by letting another touch me

fragments of blue haunt my steps
i missed giggling in his bed and having him there
we tried being friends
it failed terribly

we are not my parents but relationships without trust go nowhere healthy,
i had coffee alone today with the crisp morning air cutting into me 
the scabs on my heart is bleeding and remorse eco through me 
for the love that wouldnt die quietly for trust that doesnt grow back 
and for the girl who had a dream and killed it

Crazy early morning, was pounced awake by my 10kg puppy and off to study some more before attacking the climb wall again. Why you wonder.. to change your life takes work unlike the movies nothing happens as if by a will of its own. You have to make it happen. bleh How i wish my tea wasnt cold, that i didnt have to study and that there was a warm flesh and blood bear in my bead..

This long thing is the link to the photos

<div style="text-align:center;width:194px;font-family:arial,sans-serif;font-size:83%"><div style="height:194px;background:url(http://picasaweb.google.com/f/img/transparent_album_background.gif) no-repeat left"><a href="http://picasaweb.google.com/freedominthought/Dec2006?authkey=oQvyE4WJqo4"><img src="http://lh6.google.com/image/freedominthought/RaXbT8jGQDE/AAAAAAAAAjc/e1hebmME120/s160-c/Dec2006.jpg" width="160" height="160" style="border:none;padding:0px;margin-top:16px;"></a></div><a href="http://picasaweb.google.com/freedominthought/Dec2006?authkey=oQvyE4WJqo4"><div style="color:#4D4D4D;font-weight:bold;text-decoration:none;">Dec2006</div></a><div style="color:#808080"></div></div>

 
As the water embraces me and there is nothing but the ocean, my breath and the wind. Life has meaning and im free.
Freedom is in the heart, but for me it lives between the blue waves that call me ever back again.